My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
