I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize