can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
