tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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