that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
