You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
