All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
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it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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