I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
