It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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