hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
