Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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