everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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