i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize