the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You ruined the universe
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize