I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
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