come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
