just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
