My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
