I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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