yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
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I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
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In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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