I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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