I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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