Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
