Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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