The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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