he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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