I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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