Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
