i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
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There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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