I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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