Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
