probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
