I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
