dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
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my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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