'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
