I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
