so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
