i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
