Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
