I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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