Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize