the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
