Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
