I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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