Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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