I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
