Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
