Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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