my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
