sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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