im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
