I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
