it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I smell like Dick and happiness
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
