don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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