I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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