wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
