Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
