i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I am spending my child support on dildos
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
