She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
