she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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