Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She made me pour olive oil on her.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
