no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
