fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
