im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
