I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
