if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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